i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Can I color on your dick again?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
