i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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