I showed him my bush... on skype.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
