I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
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She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.