I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.