Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra

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  (916): ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra http://tfl.nu/wsqt
  Replies (5) Good night (2641) Bad night (462)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?

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  (215): Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam? http://tfl.nu/4s96
  Replies (30) Good night (3807) Bad night (611)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.

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  (480): so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out. http://tfl.nu/rr3m
  Replies (91) Good night (4222) Bad night (16395)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just found my car keys in your throw-up.

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  (732): Just found my car keys in your throw-up. http://tfl.nu/b21p
  Replies (20) Good night (850) Bad night (8695)
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  (631): View more from New York

  It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.

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  (631): It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom. http://tfl.nu/aix7
  Replies (48) Good night (6362) Bad night (1809)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.

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  (905): The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty. http://tfl.nu/9wi8
  Replies (100) Good night (12302) Bad night (1875)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.

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  (617): Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way. http://tfl.nu/5f04
  Replies (8) Good night (4843) Bad night (1007)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.

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  (910): I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him. http://tfl.nu/a5tc
  Replies (12) Good night (1390) Bad night (2318)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.

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  (508): in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar. http://tfl.nu/rqsf
  Replies (9) Good night (1413) Bad night (2370)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table

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  (206): I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table http://tfl.nu/jkfk
  Replies (5) Good night (2384) Bad night (1068)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.

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  (609): One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste. http://tfl.nu/4m50
  Replies (10) Good night (1022) Bad night (599)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?

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  (918): He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS? http://tfl.nu/pnaa
  Replies (6) Good night (985) Bad night (439)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels

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  (412): Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels http://tfl.nu/7a7h
  Replies (1) Good night (968) Bad night (340)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?

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  (515): I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king? http://tfl.nu/4eun
  Replies (5) Good night (1201) Bad night (287)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!

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  (616): i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!! (1-616): BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!! http://tfl.nu/gsty
  Replies (2) Good night (494) Bad night (680)

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