even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.