You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.