there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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