The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
me + whiskey = a bad person
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
