I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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