I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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