We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
