I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
