I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
