I want to walk on stilts...naked
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
