Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Mom said you looked used
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
