Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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