i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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