I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize