Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
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