And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I will pee on everything he values.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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