I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
