Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I looked at my own cervix.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
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he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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