I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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