I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
