the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
