now i know why i became what i already was.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
