I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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