Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
