I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
