How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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