so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
