why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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