Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
