In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
