Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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