do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
