Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
