you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
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hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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