i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
