the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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