so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am available for nakedness
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
