I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
