oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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