his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
