I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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