My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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