I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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