margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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