no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
