You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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