if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
