After last night, I could never be a politician.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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