So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
