Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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