you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
