I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
