My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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