just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
