My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
