No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
