For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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