it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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