Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
