There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
