Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
