Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
