ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
