marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
