I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
