I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
