it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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