Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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