Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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