She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
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He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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