he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
